Trusting the process... It started with "NOT THIS!".

People have asked more and more over the past few months, "so, you look good/happy, what's up with you?" I've decided to answer the question with a few posts here on the blog.  I won't be telling the story of what happened to my family in this space.  I believe that whatever story you create regarding my life will serve you and your circumstance much better than any story  I can tell.  

What I will share over the next few days (weeks, months, who knows) is a little of my recent journey into open spaces where I am learning the truth behind the words, "trust the process".

​ It all began with  a jarring, "NOT THIS!" moment late one evening two summers ago.

The amazing and lovely Elizabeth Gilbert explains the common human experience of "NOT THIS" so perfectly in a letter on her Facebook page, that I will share her words instead of bumbling through with my own:
(Exerpt.  See Elizabeth's full letter here. And you should absolutely do this for your upcoming "Not This!" Moment. )

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"Dear Ones -
Most of us, at some point in our lives (unless we have done everything perfectly...which is: nobody) will have to face a terrible moment in which we realize that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place — or at least, in a very bad place.
Maybe we will have to admit that we are in the wrong job. Or the wrong relationship. With the wrong people around us. Living in the wrong neighborhood. Acting out on the wrong behaviors. Using the wrong substances. Pretending to believe things that we no longer believe. Pretending to be something we were never meant to be.
This moment of realization is seldom fun. In fact, it's usually terrifying.
I call this moment of realization: NOT THIS.
Because sometimes that's all you know, at such a moment.
All you know is: NOT THIS.
Sometimes that's all you CAN know.
All you know is that some deep life force within you is saying, NOT THIS, and it won't be silenced.
Your body is saying: "NOT THIS."
Your heart is saying: "NOT THIS."
Your soul is saying: "NOT THIS."
But your brain can't bring itself to say "NOT THIS", because that would cause a serious problem. The problem is: You don't have a Plan B in place. This is the only life you have. This is the only job you have. This is the only spouse you have. This is the only house you have. Your brain says, "It may not be great, but we have to put up with it, because there are no other options." You're not sure how you got here — to this place of THIS — but you sure as hell don't know how to get out...
So your brain says: "WE NEED TO KEEP PUTTING UP WITH THIS, BECAUSE THIS IS ALL WE HAVE."
But still, beating like a quiet drum, your body and your heart and your soul keep saying: NOT THIS...NOT THIS...NOT THIS."  -Elizabeth Gilbert

And then... (coming soon).
Peace and BIG LOVE to you from the farm tonight.
~L